Dispatch from Argentina: Environmental Self Doubt

I find myself wanting to slash through the tent wall, scream a battle cry and sprint sparsely clothed to shelter! I am panicked, not out of fear, but from the frustrations of not having slept in 48 hours while at 20,200 feet on Aconcagua. Who knew that the wind could blow with such intensity for 14 days straight with only 15 second lulls? Listening to hear the wraith building it´s strength only to hit the tent with a force that flex poles and pops you in the head for 12 hours. My neck and upper back are sore, the unpopular headache at altitude is present, the pee bottle is full, at the end of my Skittles, Marquez´s magical realism and lack of punctuation in ¨Autumn of the Patriarch¨ just spews from page to page not helping matters of sanity, I am unravelled and its only 8pm.

2 years ago after climbing this very mountain I proclaimed it the hardest physical act of my life. Crossfit changed that benchmark and I find myself back guiding with my friend Brian Rougeux. We have hauled 500 plus pounds of gear and food up this slag pile of a mountain, beautiful as she is, damn the carries steep. The plan is to get up at 4 am and leave for the summit by 5ish. Midnight arrives and I still have not slept, my nerves are wrecked, I am not going, I can not.

´Hey Brian, I am done, can´t make the summit push´ I say at 4am. He casually tells me to just get up and start moving around and the blood will start flowing, drink some water and get your Gore-tex on, that I will feel fine. All I can do is lay there paralyzed with self-doubt. How am I going to do another climb if I feel this strung out? The first trip back to altitude is always the hardest, I know this. The wind is howling and I start to sit up. I find myself searching for my layers spread along the side of the tent to trap heat. Next I find myself putting on my Gore-tex and down layers. Next my inner boots and looking for my water bottle that is no doubt frozen. I take my multi-tool and cut out the ice to free that trapped liquid underneath, and swallow.

I am still a little shaky from sleep deprivation, but I am relaxed. No headache, warm feet, the wind has died down to a 10 mph breeze while gusting at 20. The skies are clear, the sun just cresting hundred of miles away. We hit the trail and start our step-breath-step rhythm which will carry us to 22,841 feet over the next 6 hours. Once past the Indepencia Hut, our first landmark I am grinning ear to ear. I feel great, our acclimatization plan worked and 2 days without sleep has not fatigued me. The 1300 ft Candeleta proved rough, only 2/3 filled with snow, the scree sections drain your oxygen and strain your calf muscles as you try to gracefully move to conserve energy. By 11 am we are on the summit looking at the 9,000 ft. South Face of Aconcagua. Filled with environmental self doubt only hours earlier, I am through another test, confident for my next climb. Should the wind blow for another 14 days, well that's part of the experience.